Thursday, 28 January 2010

Not how it was supposed to be

I am recently suffering from the grip of a stress induced minor nervous breakdown, its made me look at myself in quite an unsympathetic light. All the things i want to do i cannot, i cant even properly play my best instruments anymore.
I know what i want to be, where i want to be, i just do not know how i could possibly ever afford to be that person, with time and money. Is this a feesable excuse for being so massivly average?
I look at my friends and each one is inspiringly amazing at something.
Millie has the best and poetic beautiful mind i've ever seen , and i have seen it, physically, its the most wonderful shade of purple grey.
Ailise is so stunningly gorgeous, and has style that could kill. Again, seen this happen, to a certain captain who stole her flower.
Kat is massively adorable, i look at her and fall in love, her thinking is deeply set in the ways of a Victorian child. Her art work too, it is something to stop you walking.
Joe is so painfully successful i want to remove his piercings with a large and uncontrollable saw.
Jess bounces through life making friends with everything that can breath, instantly loveable, intelligent and probably the wisest of all my friends.
Josh is passionate and successful with cooking, i'm proud, best chef i've ever met. Although i must admit it is a proffesion quite set apart from my own so i do not know many. He is also hilarious , heart warming and easy to enjoy.

So here i bumble along, average looking, average style, likeable not loveable, no musical talent, sure technically i can do the art thing but my grades are by no means stunning, i cannot write, i have no adventures and im dissapointed in myself.

If 13 year old amber could see this now, she would not be impressed.

1 comment:

  1. I wish you wouldn't think these things. When I see your paintings, I'm moved. I want to cover my house in your artwork. I want you to illustrate a children's book for me. I have complete and utter faith in your talent as an artist, thinker, dreamer, friend, and all round person.

    Love. x